First Home-One Year Later

We've been in our home for a whole year now! It's been a really great year here! We love our house! We love our neighborhood, our ward, and just the area. Great decision.

Engagement Anniversary and Wedding Anniversary

 I wrote this back in June but never published it. Doing so now.


"Cade proposed to me four years ago today! I like this anniversary date. It doesn't get celebrated like our actual wedding anniversary, which is in two and a half months.. But I love remembering this day four years ago.

Proposals take a lot of courage. I wouldn't want to be in the dude's shoes. But, I especially wouldn't have wanted to be in Cade's shoes....

On the Sunday after I had said "Yes" to marrying Cade, I was talking to a girl who had been engaged in the past-that engagment had ended and at that time she was just in a relationship with a friend of ours. She asked how Cade had proposed. And well, in answering that question, there wasn't much to go on and on about. It was simple. I probably tried to make it sound like a little more than this, but this was basically it:
He took me for a walk to a park that we had both been to before together and liked, and there he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
Her reply: "Oh, my ex-fiance proposed to me in a boring way kind of like that too".  ...Odd comment. But I have had my fair share of foot-in-the-mouth or just bad-choice-of-words kind of comments- that I wish other people would just forget...so I don't have much room to talk. We all say really stupid stuff sometimes.

Still. I felt like he didn't get enough credit. There was a lot more to Cade's proposal than most people could find out by asking a quick question of, "How did he propose?"

The long story is...

Our love story leading up to the engagement wasn't completely smooth sailing. Looking back, I'm glad now, that it wasn't. Cade and I learned a lot about each other in the (almost) year we dated that has continued to help us in our marriage throughout the last (almost) four years.

When we started talking about marriage I wondered, how did something seem and feel so right but feel so scary? I couldn't sort out the thoughts and feelings battling inside of me.
I broke up with him.
He was a little bit blindsided.
I thought I was just doing what I needed to do.
But, I felt no relief. Even more confusion.
I really needed him.
And finally I did find relief when he checked on me a few days after our break-up.
And again relief when he came to my house at my request a few days after that and helped me sort out my thoughts and feelings and talk about things.

From that point until our engagement we worked together to fight through my anxieties and fears concerning marriage. I realized it wasn't anything about him that made me afraid our doubt having a happy marriage. It was me that I was afraid of. I recognize now that I am constantly doubting myself. I give Satan way too much space to hang out in my head and make me wonder if I can do all the things that I know I want to do.

In those months leading up to our engagement, I found out how much Satan exits. I found out that he knows a lot about me and knows where to try to get me. And how hard he will try to stop a good thing. I also found out a lot about my Savior and loving Heavenly Father; and the choices they offer, the help they give and the love that they have. Also that their power is far greater than Satan's.
I felt confident often that marrying Cade was the right thing to do. Heavenly Father put people in my path who helped me. My parents, friends, Bishop... Everything and everyone pointed me in the right direction to keep moving forward. But I still hit walls. I still let doubt in.

We picked out a ring. It was one way of moving forward. But I still had fears. And Cade knew that. Probably a week or two after picking out our ring, sitting on Cade's couch with him, I hit a wall. Someone who struggles with depression or anxiety might understand this more than someone who doesn't. But, let me try to paint a picture for someone who might not. I was sitting there in that room with Cade but I didn't feel like I was in that room. I was stuck in my head. It was dark and it was cloudy and I couldn't get out. I felt frozen. I've never experienced anything like that before or since.

The way that Cade and I had usually in the past found a way for me to get out of my head and to think more clearly was to walk and talk. So we got up from his couch, left his house and went for a long walk. But before we did, without me knowing he went into his room and packed a ring in his pocket. what?why?dillusional kid...;)
This was a walk that we had been on before. To a park that we liked. A simple park in a neighborhood. On that walk I probably rambled on and on about my fears and all of my "what-ifs?". When we got to that park I went to sit down at one of the tables and that is when Cade pulled the ring out of his pocket and got down on one knee. Every ounce of fear and anxiety I had had was gone at that moment and it never came back. Our engagement was perfect. I don't know why there were no longer fears after the proposal, possibly it was just taking that leap and we were blessed for it? I don't know. But I am really grateful.

 Cade knew I didn't want a big, crazy, all-out proposal. I couldn't handle that. Any hint that he might be getting ready to ask me would have fueled my anxiety. He knew my struggles and concerns. He acted at the right time and in the right way. And when anyone else would have been CRAZY to propose and expect a yes back. I don't know what he was thinking....but whatever crazy thought (impression?) that he had, I'm glad he followed through with it.

Maybe he saw a glimpse of the strength that I had that I was learning myself about in that time as well. A strength that promised I would always work hard to get out of dark places. That I wouldn't ever just let myself be but that I would work hard to overcome any challenges that came my way.
I learned that prayers are answered. That when you want and hope for something and have faith it can be, you'll meet that guy who you prayed as a young girl to one day meet. But it might come with opposition. Satan also knows what good goals we have or good things we want in our life and he'll try to stop us from choosing it.
 And when he does we have to remember our agency and remember all over again what we wanted. Then do whatever it takes to achieve it."
- June's Post

 

I am so glad I chose to marry Cade. He was definitely the best decision I have ever made. Today I am loving looking through pictures and seeing how far we have come and what we are building together. Life is good!

Okay seriously now....I could upload every picture....better exit out of blogger before I waste any more time.

Bedtime

Sometimes bedtime routine can be a pain. A complete battle. But, when (some nights, if) things settle down a little bit and Aleah decides she wants to sit and relax with me, I am really grateful for that time together in that routine. Last night Aleah and I were reading some of our library books and we came to this page. I explained to Aleah that this little girl was giggling and then we got silly and both pretended to giggle which made us both start really giggling, harder and harder. So much for settling down.

Another thing during our routine that I kind of find annoying but at the same time really neat is Aleah's song pick of "I Love To See The Temple". I guess when I first started singing that song to Aleah before bed I would reach over to a picture sitting on her book case and bring it in front of us while we sang. A picture of the Boise Temple. I was trying to help her understand what the Temple was, what exactly we were talking about. So now, we can't sing that song without me reaching behind and over to grab that picture. Can't we just sing it without the picture? But, it's actually kind of really neat how much she loves to look at that picture. I love that she loves to sing that song and look at the Temple. She loves the temple and that's a pretty awesome thing!  

Bedtime routine is not too bad, great time spent!

Saturday-Cade's birthday!

Saturday:

Cade's TWENTY-SEVENTH birthday!! Cade's gift was tickets to the BSU/BYU game so the real fun will be in October. It still feels like you have to do something on day of though, right? When I was asking Cade what he wanted to do on Saturday and listed some ideas, Aleah heard me say "movie" and then she yelled out, "Movie!", followed by skipping out of the room with her hands in the air and a "OOH, OOOOOH!!" (wahoo) So that was her pick. We didn't actually go with that option, but it was cute. Aleah was such a happy girl all day on Saturday. She was just SO sweet and fun. Great birthday present, Aleah!
We ended the night by sticking a candle in a chocolate muffin, (yes, a muffin) and Aleah and I sang "Happy Birthday" to Cade. Awesome right? Don't worry, I did make him a real cake the next day for his birthday dinner with the Hansen's.
My favorite guy turned my favorite number. It's going to be a good year Cade!

"Smile!"

We found our camera!! Yay for self-timer shots again!

Sunday

Friday

I have a hard time blogging lately. Trying to make up a cute blog, correcting my punctuation, going through pictures.... It just takes a little more time than I feel like I can give right now. But I had a thought last weekend that I should still try to keep up the blog. Just a quick small something everyday. Here I am probably four or five days later finally getting to it. (This is going to go well! ha...)
So here I go, doing the exact opposite of what I had thought to do. I'm playing catch up on the things I wanted to share the past few days that were suppose to just be quick little happy somethings about a day. Maybe I'll get this on track with what my goals originally were. Until then, here's this..:

Friday:

I started stocking one of the cabinets in my house with our "canned goods". What do we have? Some applesauce, peaches and carrots, as well as the best pickles ever. Those things are from my Mother-In-Law. With that we have green beans and salsa that we canned WITH my Mother-In-Law.

I am not a huge canner. But I kind of love it. In 2012 when Cade and I were living with his parents, I got my first taste of canning. Salsa and green beans. Last week was the third time I have canned green beans with my Mother-In-Law. This picture shows only half of what I did last week, the other half I left at her house to pick up later because they were just out of the pressure cooker (that's what it's called right?) and too hot.  

The green beans are yummy, but the salsa we make is the best! Cade was really eager to make salsa. I think he had made it before with his Mom, but he wanted to make a SPICY batch. His Mom was ready to help us whenever we were ready, and I just thought, whatever...I'm not a huge salsa fan, but if Cade wants some, why not?...
Cade picked out his peppers and spices and we got to it. Or, they got to it....I just sloooowly chopped and chopped and chopped whatever they told me to. The salsa was yummy! And we used it up so quick. I never realized how much salsa we ate before then. I don't know how many times we've made salsa now. 3 or 4 times? I am getting the hang of the process a little bit better..
We decided to start a salsa garden this summer. We have already made one batch a couple of weeks ago, before the green beans; but there are so many tomatoes coming in, another batch is in our near future. We are going to have a lot of salsa soon! YUM. I'm definitely a salsa fan now. When we run out of ours, the slushy stuff at the store is just not the same.

This garden....I have to admit....is not groomed by me. Nope. Not when Harry the big spider, Harry JR, and Harry the 3rd, keep making this place their home. yuck. Cade is the garden guy around here!

A Good Weekend

Cade had work off on the Thursday before the Fourth. It was the perfect opportunity to take Aleah to the zoo. It was a lot of fun. Aleah wasn't as impressed with some of the animals that I thought that she would be. We had a really good time still. You could probably call this our Summer Stay-Cation. I don't know that it's going to get much more exciting than this, this year! And that's just fine!:)

Zoo!!

--

Fourth of July celebrations!

 We went to a parade in Star with my sister and her family.

I timed a perfect shot of Aleah with her cousin Landon (on a bike in the parade, haha)

She caught on to the candy thing real fast

I attempted a family groupie, this is the best that I could do:)

And then a fun day/night at the Hansens! We have so much fun with Cade's family. Love them!

This TERRIFIES me.

She couldn't get enough of Uncle Corey

 I gave her a banana before we headed home. So tired though!

We had a really good weekend! 

Grateful to live in this Country!!

Grateful for family!

Blessed!

Gratitude

I have lost two cameras in my almost four years of marriage. The second was lost sometime around January. So the last about six months of pictures have been on my phone. My phone fell in the toilet a week or two ago. Pictures gone. So, thank goodness for this blog, instagram and facebook or I would be crap out of luck on the last six months. At least I have a few good gems left through these sites.  Electronics don't like us.

We've had a few financial frustrations and bumps in the road come up the last month. Nothing serious. Small bumps like a doctor visit and an ER visit for Aleah (she's fine-both visits turned out to be I guess maybe kind of unnecessary. More of a "This happened/is happening, is she ok?" visit). My wisdom teeth have a date with the dentist next week, phones falling in toilets and now we need new phones....those kind of small bumps. Nothing serious. We'll be just fine. I am ridiculous for complaining. And I'm sorry...stay with me though.

I've been so mad about all of these things that have come up though. We followed a plan and we were suppose to start putting away and saving money. Not happening for a little while.
 
I had a lesson for my primary class Sunday about gratitude. Obviously, this lesson was so for me. I have so much to be grateful for. I am blessed with so much. I feel bad that sometimes I let the negatives take over my view and forget all of the positives.

I have learned a couple of things this month....
Material possessions will never be a good source of  happiness. Things can just get lost and ruined. Even pictures- an attempt at capturing proof of a memory, will never be as solid as the memory. I am going to have to give living in the moment a better try.
I also remembered how not fun trials are, but how much growth can come from them (even the small trials) if we let them and if we learn from them with humility instead of bitterness and anger. And isn't that why we came to this Earth? To learn and grow. To be tried and tested.
I have so much that is going right in my life. And I am really grateful for those things. I am also learning to be grateful for the things that are going wrong, as silly as that sounds. I'm glad that life isn't easy and that I am allowed opportunities to grow. I recognize that my trials are helping me. I'm grateful for what I'm learning through them. I'm grateful to be on this earth experiencing trials and learning.

Last night I wrote this out and then just saved it in my drafts. Before going to bed last night I flipped through one of my favorite books, Glimpses into the life and heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley and found by accident some really great quotes about gratitude from Sister Hinckley. I love her. Every women needs this book, by the way. 
Here's two quotes I loved..

1."When I was young, a Sunday School teacher once faced our class and said, 'I would like to tell you what I am thankful for. I am thankful for my home. I am thankful that I have a good husband and children. I am thankful that I have enough money for the comforts of life.' And many other things she listed. 'But most of all,' she said, 'I am grateful for the trials I have had.'

This sounded strange to us young people, but as the years have gone by I have come to know what she meant. For it is the trials of life that make us humble and make us strong. I could list bounteous material blessings that the Lord has showered down upon me in this past year. But I am most grateful of all for the small trials that were mine. I am grateful that the Lord in his wisdom saw fit to deprive me of my health and strength for a sufficient length of time that I came to appreciate what good health means and what joy there is in being able to do a day's honest work. And I have now come to sympathize and understand better what the love of a neighbor and goodness of a friend can mean in time of need. I am indeed grateful that there have been a few times in my life that I have had to depend entirely on the Lord for my well-being and comfort."

2."A grateful heart will give you a touch of refinement that can come in no other way. 

I went to high school during the days of the famous Depression. It was a miserable experience. But, in a way, I wish you could have been there with us. Somehow it helped me to appreciate much more the prosperity we now enjoy. I know some of you think you are on a tight budget, and you are. I am glad if you are. But it is a tight budget because you have nothing else to compare with it. It isn't your fault that you have had three square meals a day, most every day of your life. It isn't your fault that you have never been hungry in your life. It isn't your fault that somehow or other you have always been able to get a new pair of shoes, whether you needed them or not. It isn't your fault that you have at least five or six changes of clothing in your crowded closets. But all of this makes it doubly hard for you to be truly grateful.

....

And when you finally develop a little gratitude in your heart, make up your mind to express it. 'Appreciation unexpressed is not appreciation.' If you can't find someone to say thank you to for something, just take a look at your toothbrush and say, 'Thank you for being. You are a wonderful little gadget.' 

'Thank you' is a wonderful phrase. Use it. It will add stature to your soul. Never let a day go by without saying thank you to someone for something-and especially to your Heavenly Father."