Figuring out the whole bloglovin thing.

I don't know what I am doing.
:)
Just ignore this.

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Part ONE

So...I like taking pictures. I could probably find a reason to take a picture (or two, three, four, ten......whatever..) in any moment. It's ridiculous. It is. I try to exercise control over this obsession....and I hold back on instagraming or facebooking every single one of them. ....But part of me really believes that you want to see Aleah in every outfit and hair-do too. You hate missing out on seeing who she has play-dates with. And I know you want to see her new art pieces she's worked hard on (scribbles, scribbles everywhere...my calendars, scriptures, couch, her books, my books, my sheets. When will I learn to put away all the pens in the house every morning before she wakes up?) 

Anyways. I was looking through my phone and realized, I have A LOT of pictures. And this is my attempt at organizing them a little bit. Collages. Now all those pictures that I didn't want to delete but didn't think I needed 20 of, have a place. And I won't feel bad for deleting them (or most of them) off of my phone. 

Here is PART ONE of my picture organizing.

(Not in any particular order).

Daddy and Aleah

Ryder's 1st birthday--Pic on the right "those birthday spankins are brutal." ;)

Pumpkin Patch

The cute Asay girls and Aleah--besties:)

One bunny--great! Two bunnies--HORRIFYING!

Fall activities with nieces and nephews (or a few of them).

It's a good life

Hi Christmas!

Cousins--Aleah and Kate

Dress up!

She's a daddy's girl.

I adopted a tree..to watch change in the seasons. Random and weird. But I can't wait for spring!;)

Ponytail. Silly stinker. I like her.

Gooood morning!

Huh. Walks use to be taken to bring sanity to this mama.

That's better. Play time at the park.

Snowsuits.

I am a terrible mom. I giggle, take a picture and then help her out of her little situations.

There is just not much cuter than a baby praying (or pretending to).

More to come....another day, maybe!

But this catches you up on the details of our life pretty well until then.

Am I Enough?

Some days are a little foggier than others. Today is kind of one of those days for me. I am always going to think it's just not fair to have to wake up to feelings of anxiety. How does anyone start the day off right in that condition?
All through the day I have a hard time with feeling forgotten, useless or not enough. All of the mistakes or silly things I said or did the last little while are re-playing in my head and it's bringing me down.
As I've been fighting through those feelings today--trying to fill my mind with other things as I try to stay busy by doing "all the right" things, like checking things off my "to-do" list; I had the thought that Heavenly Father loves me. And wanting a little more than that, like, problems solved, super hero strength, talents, confidence and feelings of importance.... I felt like that wasn't the "thing" that I was trying to fill my self-esteem up with. I fought it off with a thought that could come straight out of a child's mouth... "you have to say that...you're my father..." and "you love everyone". (It sounds worse typing it out than it did actually having this going on inside of me.)

But really, is anything more powerful? Does it really matter what the world thinks of me? Whether that be praise or hate? Does it matter what I can't do compared to what someone else can? Isn't the knowledge that I have a loving Heavenly Father and that I am important to him, more than enough to bring me back up and set me in the right direction? If it isn't, I am looking for recognition and importance in all the wrong places and for all the wrong reasons. If Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were the only two to love me and think that I was special, that would be more than enough. I'm grateful for a little much needed reminder today of how loved I am.

The above picture is sitting next to me on my desk. It's on the cover of the Gospel Principles manual. It is a beautiful picture. I love the peace that comes from studying this picture. Is it a coincidence that this happens to be next to me right as I came to write this? I think not. "The women at the well".


A little bit after trying to down-play Heavenly Father's love for me... I began to wonder if I was really enough.... Then I remembered my role as a Mother. A couple months ago, I had the thought about how important service is--inside the home. And not much later I gave a talk in church about service and shared a little bit of the thoughts that I had had.
I am a stay-at-home mom. (It is a HUGE blessing that I can be, by the way, and I am grateful). But I don't get out a lot. It's hard to feel like I can make a huge and impressive mark in the world. Sharing the Gospel would even seem a little more difficult. Being out and apart of and building up the community. All difficult.

But. Then I remember my family. My daughter especially. She is here, right now and she is willing to learn. She is waiting for me to teach her. She is looking at me as her example. If I am looking to serve, teach, love and help someone, she is not someone to over-look. Heavenly Father trusted me to be her mother and to teach her what she needs to know on this earth and to help her through this life. Am I forgetting her or thinking that she isn't the "priority". She is. And I need to remember her more often. And remember that as a mother, I am blessed to be able to serve so powerfully. To Heavenly Father and my daughter, I am enough. I am very important. And I am very blessed.
Putting this all into perspective; Realizing my importance, knowing that I am loved and finding a great amount of power in my role as a mother, helps me to "go through the motions" with more purpose and happiness. I don't feel anymore, as if I am just being busy to fill an emptiness. My "to-do" list is a lot more enjoyable when there is love in my service and actions. Or purpose in my work. That work being --a mother & wife.

“As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think of your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey.” 

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

My Girl Power Reading List

I'm kind of big into a little thing called, "Girl Power". Whenever I have a problem, or questions come up, I'm feeling a little lost or confused, I just need help, insight, understanding & answers.... I first usually pray. And then I go to my bookshelf, gather a handful of books and then pile them on my bed. I jump into bed and then I start thumbing through the pages until something catches my attention. This is when I realized just how much I enjoy a little, "Girl Power".

I love a story that involves a strong woman.
-A woman who knows who she is
-Knows her worth
-Serves selflessly
-Takes her role as a wife and a mother seriously
-Has stood back up after pain & adversity once knocked her down.

I love a good message about the divinity of Womanhood. A message that speaks to my heart as a testimony is being shared of the love the Savior has for me. A message that puts a bright spot light on the powerful roles & missions I have as a woman that no man could ever.

Whenever I need help, I go to these books because I look up to these women. Women who have struggled, but overcome. Who had faith in hard times. Women who were loving, caring, faithful, selfless and strong.
I go to these books--written sometimes by men, who understand the importance of such a woman. They praise her & they love her.

This is my "Girl Power" Reading List (in no particular order):

Women Of The Book Of Mormon

 Beloved Emma

 Giver of Life Lessons From Eve

"Your Happily Ever After"--My favorite talk ever!

Glimpses Into The Life And Heart Of Marjorie Pay Hinckley

--Actually, a really great parenting book, in my opinion. ;)

Blessings On The Hand Of Women

Forget Me Not

Daughters in My Kingdom: The History And Work Of Relief Society

All of these can be found online at www.deseretbook.com 

And if you have any recommendations for me, I would love that. Send them my way!!




I do have two other books worth mentioning though that are always my go-to books but I wouldn't consider an obvious, "Girl Power" book. But they are both powerful books to me and in my life.
 

The first being The Book Of Mormon--I study from both the Bible and The Book Of Mormon. I learn from both at church. I teach from both at church. I learn and study both and have had answers from both in my personal study at home. But I haven't yet read from cover to cover the Bible. That would be a great thing to do though! 
The Book Of Mormon is often my cover-to-cover read over-and-over again book. Lately, I have been so blessed with help and answers through reading the BOM. I know it is a true book. I have been able to apply the things written inside so perfectly in my past and in my present circumstances and trials. When I fall out of the habit of reading this book I am reminded not much later why I should have not stopped reading. I'm blessed to have this book in my life.
 
& 


Two-- One of my favorite books is the 
Teachings Of Thomas S. Monson
My parents sent this to Cade and I a couple years ago for Christmas. At first I didn't know that I would love it as much as I do. I quickly learned how valuable this book is. It is a book I always go to now. It is so good and helpful. Almost anything you have wondered about, there is a quote from the Prophet here. So good.