All through the day I have a hard time with feeling forgotten, useless or not enough. All of the mistakes or silly things I said or did the last little while are re-playing in my head and it's bringing me down.
As I've been fighting through those feelings today--trying to fill my mind with other things as I try to stay busy by doing "all the right" things, like checking things off my "to-do" list; I had the thought that Heavenly Father loves me. And wanting a little more than that, like, problems solved, super hero strength, talents, confidence and feelings of importance.... I felt like that wasn't the "thing" that I was trying to fill my self-esteem up with. I fought it off with a thought that could come straight out of a child's mouth... "you have to say that...you're my father..." and "you love everyone". (It sounds worse typing it out than it did actually having this going on inside of me.)
But really, is anything more powerful? Does it really matter what the world thinks of me? Whether that be praise or hate? Does it matter what I can't do compared to what someone else can? Isn't the knowledge that I have a loving Heavenly Father and that I am important to him, more than enough to bring me back up and set me in the right direction? If it isn't, I am looking for recognition and importance in all the wrong places and for all the wrong reasons. If Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were the only two to love me and think that I was special, that would be more than enough. I'm grateful for a little much needed reminder today of how loved I am.
The above picture is sitting next to me on my desk. It's on the cover of the Gospel Principles manual. It is a beautiful picture. I love the peace that comes from studying this picture. Is it a coincidence that this happens to be next to me right as I came to write this? I think not. "The women at the well".
A little bit after trying to down-play Heavenly Father's love for me... I began to wonder if I was really enough.... Then I remembered my role as a Mother. A couple months ago, I had the thought about how important service is--inside the home. And not much later I gave a talk in church about service and shared a little bit of the thoughts that I had had.
I am a stay-at-home mom. (It is a HUGE blessing that I can be, by the way, and I am grateful). But I don't get out a lot. It's hard to feel like I can make a huge and impressive mark in the world. Sharing the Gospel would even seem a little more difficult. Being out and apart of and building up the community. All difficult.
But. Then I remember my family. My daughter especially. She is here, right now and she is willing to learn. She is waiting for me to teach her. She is looking at me as her example. If I am looking to serve, teach, love and help someone, she is not someone to over-look. Heavenly Father trusted me to be her mother and to teach her what she needs to know on this earth and to help her through this life. Am I forgetting her or thinking that she isn't the "priority". She is. And I need to remember her more often. And remember that as a mother, I am blessed to be able to serve so powerfully. To Heavenly Father and my daughter, I am enough. I am very important. And I am very blessed.Putting this all into perspective; Realizing my importance, knowing that I am loved and finding a great amount of power in my role as a mother, helps me to "go through the motions" with more purpose and happiness. I don't feel anymore, as if I am just being busy to fill an emptiness. My "to-do" list is a lot more enjoyable when there is love in my service and actions. Or purpose in my work. That work being --a mother & wife.
“As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think of your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey.”
―
Marjorie Pay Hinckley
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